You’re cruising along on your sweet journey to financial independence…your debt is paid off, investment accounts are slowly swelling with the passing of every month, and even the flowers smell a little bit sweeter. Despite your commitment to live frugally, life is good. Super, crazy, wonderfully good.
But the truth is that not everybody in your circle of family and friends will “get it.” They will look at your frugal lifestyle and pity you, imagining that you’re suffering daily under the constraints of driving older cars or living in a house with one bathroom. “I could never live like that,” they proclaim.
That’s fine with me. Don’t live like that. I never asked you to. I won’t apologize for our choice to live in a sweet little 1,000 square-foot, 3-bedroom, 1-bath house. The occasional negative comment only serves to magnify how very differently we view money, life and happiness.
Our humble abode…and we love it.
And while I’d like to think of myself as emotionally strong, I’m not. (Sorry to blow the superhero image I know you had of me.) I experienced this criticism first-hand just a few weeks ago, and because I deeply care about the person that criticized me, it stung all the more. At first I was hurt. Then I was confused. I didn’t understand why a friend would openly poke fun at me, because I had chosen to live a less material life. Then I finally rounded the corner, and…stopped caring.
I’ll live my life the way I want, they can live their life the way they want, and we can all go back to discussing the latest Pinterest fail, the NFL pre-season or funny cat videos.
We all have priorities, and every lifestyle choice has a corresponding trade-off. Some choose to spend their dollars on extra bathrooms and square footage, knowing (or not knowing) that choice will delay retirement by 20 years. Others choose to live somewhere that just meets their needs, realizing that retirement can be just around the corner.
To each his own.
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
— Henry David Thoreau
Fist bump to you, Mr. Thoreau. I couldn’t have said it better.
“They will look at your frugal lifestyle and pity you, imagining that you’re suffering daily”
Ah, but see that’s always been my strategy – don’t let ’em know about how well that you’re really doing financially because otherwise they’ll either be envious or expect you to loan (ie., give) them money to support their (often) more frivolous lifestyle. Neither a borrower nor a lender be because that often results in screwed up relationships, whether it be with family or friends.
And your “friend” may have been poking fun at you but I wonder what deep down was their motive. Could it be perhaps that they were envious that they didn’t have your strength and “superhero” discipline to live the type of life that they wished that they could live? And so instead they tried to put you down. To which my motto in reply is “Don’t sweat the small stuff cuz in life it’s all – just small stuff”.
Now then, go feed your pets! 🙂
Excellent input, Rob. I’m pretty much a sissy when it comes to criticism, so opening up about our frugal lifestyle-early retirement goal was a pretty scary thing for me.
But I’m slowly learning just what you said…not to sweat the small stuff. I don’t believe my friend had malicious intent, it was just a poor choice of words that I think she intended as humor. Except it wasn’t funny. 🙂
Mrs Nickels this might be one of my favorite blogs yet! Keep them coming
Thanks CC!
I loved this quote from your book on Amazon called “Live Smart. Eliminate Debt, Build Wealth”.
“The stress had fallen away. Our outlook on life improved, and a general sense of contentment and joy started to bubble to the surface”. That sense of well being you describe is something money can’t buy, but now you have contentment and money in the bank! It’s a win, win!
Wow…you even worked in a quote from the book. I’m impressed! And you’re right…contentment AND money in the bank is a very nice combination. 😉
Exactly! While I’m not an anonymous blogger, none of my friends and family know that I blog at Retired by 40!. I’m super afraid that they’ll be judgmental and then I’ll still have to talk to them……but I really don’t care if perfect strangers are judgmental. Weird, isn’t it?
It’s almost like you’re hiding in plain sight, right? Not trying to be under the radar, yet not exactly handing out business cards to your friends and family either. 🙂
But I feel the same as you. Wasn’t as concerned about what Joe ComplainyPants in New Jersey would say, but definitely wondered what the people close to me would think!
Love this post. Everyone is different. If everyone was the same, then life would be boring.
Amen sister!